This review is really two reviews in one. The first is for people like me: people coming into the Twilight series with fresh eyes and no history with the books. The second is for its core audience.

For those of us not well versed in the Stephanie Meyer's world of vampires wolves, it's hard to understand what all the fuss is about. Twilight was nearly unwatchable for me. It seemed like the filmmakers knew they had to get this out as quickly as possible before their core audience grew too old to pay $11 to see it, and that first film is an absolute mess. New Moon does slightly better in terms of filmmaking, but not by much. It doesn't help that the story just isn't that involving to anyone not interested in vampires (which I'm not) or not a teenage girl (which I'm not). I'd try and explain what happens, but like I said, this part of the review is for people just coming into this movie, and you're pretty well lost if you haven't seen Twilight. You can see this film if you want, and attempt to get involved in Edward and Bella's story, but that would be like watching one of the later Harry Potter films with absolutely no in-point. For those people, this movie is like a its target audience: over dramatic, unnecessarily brooding, and way too talky.

For those coming from the book, you really don't care what I think. You want to see your brooding vampires, Bella's moping and Taylor Lautner with his shirt off. So you'd go to this movie no matter what anyone says.

For those who are coming to this film fresh, it gets 1 star. For those who are in, it gets 5 stars, but only because Hot Topic doesn't do movie reviews yet.